This past week has not been an awesome week. I know that you’re thinking– how could a week in my life not be awesome? Well, it happens. This weekend, however, redeemed itself a little bit because of three things:
1. My sister came to visit and we played hours of water volleyball in the pool.
2. She did my dishes.
3. My fantasy football team (Team Awesome) crushed my good friend Matt’s (The Humanoid Typhoons)
Now I know what you’re thinking– when did Jill, ubernerd of the universe, start playing fantasy football? Or start watching football? Or know the difference between a first down and a tight end? Well folks, marriage changes a person. It all started three years ago (the beginning of the 2009 season for you football savvy people) when I was told I had to pick a football team to follow.
Why? I asked. Can’t I just like the team that’s winning the game?
No, said my Viking-loving boyfriend and our Green Bay-adoring friend, then you will be a bandwagon fan. You need to pick a single team and cheer them on all season.
Okay, I said, I pick the Saints.
Why in the world are you choosing the Saints? they asked.
Because even the big guys look nice in black and gold, I said, those are classy colors. I mean, who wants to cheer some dude in bright orange or baby blue? Gold and black fleur de lis give a little bit of a lift to sweaty dudes piling on top of each other. Plus, their quarterback is kind of cute. And…um…Reggie Bush went to USC.
You never even went to a game at USC.
Your point? Did you graduate from there?
Okay, they said, you can pick the Saints. But you have to like them for a whole season, even if they loose.
Okay, okay! I said. I promise. Now tell me, what does that yellow line on the field mean and how do they magically keep moving it?
The Saints won the Super Bowl that year for the first time since their creation in the 1970’s. After the game Michael turned to me. You can never, ever, ever pick another team. Ever.
Apparently I’m forever a Saints fan now. That’s okay, Drew Brees is still cute.
Drew Brees looking intrepid and dashing in his classy black and gold.
This year, the boys decided they wanted to start a fantasy football league. After almost three years of marinating in this whole beer-football-hot wings thing, I decided I was game enough give it a try. The draft was set for a Monday night. I was on my laptop and Michael was on his computer. The first round started.
Matt! I yelled. You can’t pick Drew Brees! He’s the only guy I know!
Pick Eli Manning, Michael called from the other room.
Fine, I said, but I’m not happy about it. Who do I pick next?
You need a running back, Michael coached.
What’s a running back?
Halfway through the draft my laptop died. My team somehow wound up with four quarterbacks and two players that were out for the whole season with injuries. And no one from the Saints. This was shaping up to be a bad first fantasy experience.
Michael took pity on my puppy dog eyes and traded me two decent players to round out my team. I felt this was a totally legitimate use of wifely leverage. After all, what else are amazing, wonderful, husbands for? I still didn’t know a single person on my team, but I had a strong feeling that uninjured players would play better than injured ones.
This week, I was set up to play Matt, although ‘play’ in fantasy football is a very loose term. Each player on your team is given points depending on how well they perform their job in real life. All the points from your team members are then added together to give you a team total. The highest team total in the match up wins the week. Why some people bet money on this seems a little crazy.
I was very confused on who to cheer for when Michael was watching the games this week. On one hand, I was forced by law to root for the Saints. On the other hand, I wanted to crush the man who had stolen my Drew. It was a very tough decision.
Team Brees or Team Eli?? Oh no, whatever am I going to do?
In the end, the truth won out. Eli Manning stomped on Drew Brees in the fantasy game 32 fantasy points to 21. My fantasy team (with Michael’s help) won 103 to 84 even with me still clueless about who half my players are. I felt football savvy and accomplished. I even sat through the entire Giants game. This week I plan on memorizing the hot wings menu, deciding what color face-paint to use (Gold for my Saints or Blue for my Eli? My loyalties are so torn! I now know how Bella from Twilight feels!), developing a taste for Bud Lite, and finally figuring out how they magically move that yellow line after each play…
See you next week!
Edit: It has been requested that I mention that Joseph also made my life better this weekend. Which he did. By sitting on my couch and making me laugh and getting stuff to grill on Sunday. He also gives pretty good football advice. So there. 🙂