You know its been a while when you can’t remember your WordPress password, or you might just be pregnant.
I’ve been putting off this post for a while. I feel like I need to write it because, of all the awesome things that have happened to me over the course of this blog, this has to be one of the biggest, but at the same time I feel a little adrift and not quite qualified to talk about this huge, society-encompassing topic. (Which is a little daft, because three pregnancy tests, two doctors appointments, and one little jelly-bean on an ultrasound clearly prove me wrong.) Its also very hard to express any awesomeness when you feel like a narcoleptic seasick badger and are pretty sure you look like one too.
While motherhood, or potential motherhood, let’s not get ahead of ourselves, is something that has been happening quite literally since the beginning of time, I feel that somehow every woman subconsciously feels like she is the only one who has ever been pregnant in the history of the universe. Every sensation is new and confusing, no matter how much good advice people throw at you. Its like being a teenager all over again, complete with the acne, the mood swings, the awkwardness, the weird body changes you’re not sure you’re okay with but afraid that you’ll be stuck with, and the blushing as you try on bigger and bigger bra sizes at the store. (I’m not just fat, I swear!)
I have to admit that I’m not one of those ladies who goes ga-ga about having a baby and after admitting that I feel I should go hide under a pillow from the impending motherhood wrath. I’m looking forward to having a family, definitely, but babies have never been a big thing with me. In fact, I’ve always been kind of afraid of them. Possibly this is because of all the horror stories I have been whispered to me in hushed tones by crazy-eyed stroller-toting moms. Namely that that my life is now over and I can kiss any plans I have for the next 18 years good-bye. With me, that’s a really big fear. It might sound like sacrilege to a lot of moms out there, but my first goal in life has never been to be a mother. A goal, yes, but not the goal. Also, sitting in the waiting room for my new nephew to be born last week, listening to babies crying through the walls and seeing exhausted-looking moms on gurneys scuttle through the halls was a very, very scary experience. Holding him for a few minutes though was really awesome and made up for most of the trauma.
Still, all gloomy premonitions and puking aside, these last few months have had a lot of great perks. I’m very, very blessed to have the most awesomely baby-crazy husband on the planet to wait on me hand and foot. I’m blessed by a huge community of friends and family who have a) made me (and the baby) community property and b) won’t let me lift anything heavier than a pencil. And I’m very happy to know so many other pregnant ladies who seem to have drunk the same water as Michael and I. It will be a very, very baby filled spring! I’m just not sure how excited I am about it yet. (Yep, ambivalence is a pregnancy symptom too!)
A few little things I’ve learned so far about being pregnant:
1. You only thought you puked before…
2. Any weird symptom you have is probably just another wonderful side effect of pregnancy.
3. Map out all bathrooms to and from work, especially in case of traffic jams.
4. Crying at Mannheim Steamroller is okay.
5. It is possible to fall asleep at a Pro Wrestling show. Don’t ask me how.
6. Baby dresses and booties are suddenly cute.
7. Everyone asks how you’re feeling.
8. Sleep is wonderful and not nearly plentiful enough.
See you next week! (I promise this time)
-Jillian (and yet-unnamed Wahlquist)